JINGLE ALL THE WAY




oh what a laugh it would have been
if daddy had only seen
mommy kissing santa claus last night


yikes. pretty scary stuff, if you ask me.
i guess that dysfunctional families really do mess you up.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!!!

AFTERMATH...



thank heavens, another MAS FUEGO is safely (?) in the books. of course, there was much personal drama as usual...cops, out-of-control birthday well-wishers, and an alcoholic wasteland that stretched as far as the eye could see.

needless to say, i spent a great portion of sunday in bed and tucked away from the rest of the world...nursing a hangover that would make dudley moore proud.

ho ho ho, everyone!!! have a merry christmas...

MAS FUEGO BIRTHDAY BASHMENT



as christmas creeps ever closer and a bleak wintry gale screams down from the rokko mountains, it's time to look back on another year of insanity.

nothing better than to end this year's MAS FUEGO on one dj k-rate's birthday. i'm sure it'll be one for the ages, with plenty of liquid refreshment to go around.

if any of y'all are on this side of the globe, be sure to duck down into the mirrorball cafe...we'll leave the light on for ya.



bendejo productions presents...

**************************************
MAS FUEGO @ mirrorball cafe in motomachi, kobe
2003.12.20 (sat.)
21:00 start 1500 yen (1D)
drum 'n' bass and everything nice...
**************************************

DJ's:
Bella Rockwell
Hiro☆Sh#t
Biostepperz
Zig-Nine
Keisuke (99, 00, 02 DMC FINALIST)

Special Guests:
DJ Akashi
DJ Okame

***************************************

brought to you by:
bendejo productions
PaRLaY records
DRAGON BASS
Leicester Square

SALVATION


just when things were looking mighty bleak, a hint given to me by one dj lil' c, aka hiroshi, managed to save my computer from the depths of darkness.

apparently, 300 watts of juice just wasn't cutting it...i hoofed on down to harborland and purchased a bigger power source. opening up and exposing the innards of the computer case, i was at once baffled by the mass of circuitry, the tangle of cables, and hardware everywhere.

now i know how han solo felt when the hypperdrive went kaput on him (chewie, hand me the hydrospanner!!!).



undaunted, i ripped out the cursed and evil 300 watt juicebox and plugged in the newer, stronger 400 watt one.
which wire goes where??? i wondered out loud. with a deep breath, i turned on the power, and...

all is well.
and the rantings of this mad expat continue!!!

damn gremlins...my computer's been on the fritz for the past few days, leaving me blog-less and feeling quite nekkid.

this'll have to do for the meanwhile.

a thousand humble apologies.

currently playing on the turntables:
the debut album from diverse --> one a.m.

"i know for certain...everything ain't right"
okay, so it's not the witching hour just yet, but i realized through the haze of spliff and sip of shochu that i needed to make an entry.

diverse, by the way, has put together quite an impressive first album. breakbeats/headz galore, to keep the neck exercised and soul grooving. with the likes of rjd2, madlib, and prefuse-73, it's something that i'd recommend to my neighbor!




funny thing is, i've grown pretty attached to this downtempo vibe. i should just be a man and walk up to the firing squad: i'm getting old. back in the day, i was convinced that my folks used to listen to only simon and garfunkel, the carpenters, and abba; talk about reallydowntempo! not to post a jibe...nuff respect to all! (guess that answers your question, shaolin...that's all i could find in the house when i was a kid).

i used to be able to pull all-nighters without a problem, but after a night out in osaka, at "isn't it," no doubt!

"isn't it." a last haven for expat brethren and sisters residing on this island chain.

isn't "scum and villainy" is how obi-wan put it best?

the smell of sex was in the air, 'though i was having none of that!

and as i stumbled off to find a capsule in "american town," one thought kept reverberating in my brain...

how am i going to fight off that hangover that 's going to hit me on the train ride home???

NOT-SO-FAMOUS BRITISH FOOD PRODUCTS, part 1


move over, marmite and vegemite!!!

i've got a product that will beat the competition into the ground...

i discovered the miracle of vegemite years ago when a junior high school friend of mine handed me a slice of toast with unappetizing black goo smeared all over it. after hiding my fears and taking a nibble, i was at once amazed at the richness in flavor that plain ol' butter and jam had long lacked. of course, vegemite and marmite without a "chaser" (i.e. bread) is rather horrid-tasting, but a pat of the black stuff on some good ol' fashioned toasted white bread will do wonders to your breakfast routine.

okay, so some people think that concentrated yeast spread is disgusting and unpalatable, and to tell you the truth, i always thought that it lacked a certain punch. don't get me wrong, i love marmite and vegemite just as much as the next guy (i.e. shaolin), but as an omnivore, i often get the craving for that beefy taste.





which is where BOVRIL comes in handy. created in scotland, home to such treats as haggis, tartan garb, and bagpipes, BOVRIL is, in essence, liquid cow.

imagine this: the tanginess of vegemite with not-so-subtle hints of beef.

appalled, yet curiously drawn to this confusing concoction?





BOVRIL apparently has been around since 1874, and was hailed for its many uses. a spoonful of it in hot water supposedly makes "(a) savory hot drink, and the kind of thing likely to be in the thermos of anyone out on a cold day for any length of time. Shackleton had it on his epic voyage in 1914, and it's been a favorite at football matches, in the days when drinking at football matches was as common as a half-time pie and Bovril." (i haven't had the guts to try this yet, but i imagine it tastes something like plain beef broth)

it was also used during World Wars I and II as a means of providing troops on the warfront and citizens back home with much-needed nourishment and a bit of beefiness...perhaps it was a means of boosting morale?

according to dj k-rate (born in tokyo and raised in london), he grew up on the stuff, and was kind enough to bring back a jar for me. it tastes pretty grubbin' on a spoon just by itself, and is all the more divine with a bit of butter on a baguette.

although it is difficult to find in the states, i'm sure most of you can manage. and yes, some purport that BOVRIL and its distant cousins vegemite and marmite are vile-tasting, but damn!!! it's sure gotten me hooked...

A DEVIL AMONGST US

secretary of defense donald rumsfeld is in town starting tomorrow, off to hobnob with leaders of the japanese diet with elections in this country just having finished four days ago. while the opposition in iraq keeps the world's eyes trained on hot spots in the middle east, rumsfeld has moved in an aircraft carrier off the japanese coast, along with new-generation military hardware, no doubt to piss off an already irate chairman kim.


speaking of iraq, one of the bills up on the diet table is the issue of whether to send JSDF troops over to the middle east to take part in occupational force operations. though the general public is against it, koizumi seems fairly intent on deployment...is the relation between dubya and the prime minister really THAT intimate?


the question now is how many troops, and to what degree of strength?

news sources report that there has been much internal strife within the bush cabinet, with rumsfeld and rice butting heads on a regular basis. to my amusement, dubya seemingly encourages these petty arguments as a way of fostering growth and the formation of new ideas.





i can imagine it already...

nat'l sec. advisor rice: HEY! that's MY krispy kreme donut!

sec. of defense rumsfeld: back off, woman! i need more sugar to satiate my hunger to conquer the world!

the redeye shift





and now, for zignine's turntable tip of the day:

easy listening and hip hop, although grating and unpleasurable to the ear, CAN be mixed together.

KILLER VEGGIES




i decided to make cheese fondue for dinner tonight, and hoofed it over to kobe foreign grocers in sannomiya to buy the necessary ingredients. although the store itself is quite small, it's nice to browse the aisles, looking at enticing edibles from around the world.

after getting sidetracked by the betty crocker brownie and hormel spicy chili section (hmm...$4.00 for cheesy-ass betty and $6.00 for a can of CHILI!? methinks this establishment is making a kiling), i found the fondue formula and paid the charlatan behind the counter.





"let's see..." i muttered to my girl. "bread, potatoes, broccoli, carrots, what else do i need?" she pointed out that asparagus was a recommended veggie on the package.

now, don't get me wrong. asparagus, i.e. asparagus officinalis are not only grubbin' as a dish in itself, it is known for its ability to work as: an Aphrodisiac, Cardiotonic, Demulcent, Diaphoretic, Diuretic, Expectorant, Female Tonic, Galactagogue, Laxative, Nutritive, Rejuvenative, Reproductive Tonic, Kidney Tonic, as well as Sedative.





it can also be used topically (what're you supposed to do? grind up the stems and rub the juice all over yourself?) to cure Joint Stiffness and Muscle Spasms...

not my idea of fun, but back to the topic at hand. after searching high and low, i realized that the local supermarket didn't have your garden-variety, green baby asparagi (is it a summer vegetable?). not to be daunted, i marched over to the canned foods section and found white asparagus instead.

the fondue was excellent. the white asparagi, however, remained untouched throughout the entire meal. it tasted revolting, plus i'm sure it'll make my urinations smell like asparagus for the rest of the week...

at least i'll know that my innards are squeaky clean now!

SOMETHING'S ROTTEN IN THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA


so now there's fire...soon to be followed by flood, pestilence, and a trumpeting cavalry of angels. my theory is that Ah-Nold has secretly been in cahoots along with GWB and Kim Jong-Il, establishing a network with mr. loose-i-fir himeself, plotting the end of the world and a takeover by small, green aliens.

i was NOT amused to find that my looniversity is being threatened by the ominous OLD FIRE which is wiping out the greater San Bernadino area.







when i told one of my colleagues that the fire was started by a wayward hunter who was trying to signal for help with a flare gun, he murmured, "well, i guess it can't be helped. he was lost, right?

i'm sure that's the same excuse the hunter was using...







and now, satellite images show that jupiter has begun to cave in, and that a sleek, black monolith has landed on the surface of mars...

BILL'S BEAT CHEF

all i can say is...WOW! KILL BILL kicked some serious oshiri. after much fanfare, the film opened across japan on october 25th, and i managed to catch the 9:15 screening last night. tarantino at his best...

some thoughts and drops of knowledge:
a) the bride's showdown with the CRAZY 88 is shown in full color, with severed appendages and blood aplenty.

b) O-REN ISHII's anime sequence is longer and more graphic.

c) though stilted in pronunciation at best, UMA THURMAN and LUCY LIU managed to carry out their lines in correct grammatical japanese, though most of my friends over here said they were a bit difficult to understand.

d) most of the characters' names were inspired from actual japanese CHAMBARA (try to picture "samurai movie, spaghetti-western style") films and assorted j-pop culture. O-REN is the name of a woman clad in a kimono, who cuts down her foes with a blade and umbrella. GO GO YUBARI is a name taken from an obscure japanese robot cartoon, as well as japan's YUBARI film festival. HATTORI HANZO is the name of a famous samurai who was instrumental in the creation of the IGA ninja clan in feudal japan.


e) the opening credits show tarantino's dedication to the late director FUKUSAKI KINJI, hero of japan's ultra-violent, bang-bang shoot-em-up, blood-and-guts movies such as BATTLE ROYALE, TORA TORA TORA, and LEGEND OF THE 8 SAMURAI (among others).


what i found the most intriguing was the soundtrack. The RZA, prince rakeem, aka bobby digital, aka the wu-tang wizard managed to whip up some pure butta beats, as well as a smattering of obscure, eclectic tunes. though i was thoroughly impressed with his work on GHOST DOG, the RZA definitely doesn't disappoint with the trackwork in KB.

spring 2004. i eagerly look forward to the sequel.

A PICTURE SPEAKS A THOUSAND WORDS...

YEE HAW!!! it's finally the weekend, and things are definitely beginning to shape up. not only have the once-terrible tigers turned things around and evened up the series, it's friday night, i have money to burn in my pocket, and tomorrow, "KILL BILL" finally hits the silver screens over here.

a thousand apologies for the (somewhat) disturbing and (definitely) amusing photo on the left. BEFORE you start cracking jokes (hey zignine! didn't know you liked men in tight pants!), let me tell you a tale about the (in)famous egashira 2:50.

japanese comedy flirts between two extreme borders, ranging from the witty and caustic remarks of small-time hollywood star takaaki ishibashi to the antics of mr. isane pictured on the left...

a human contortionist and slapstick comedian, egashira 2:50 will suddenly appear out of nowhere on many a variety show, wreaking havoc by launching himself out of cannons, eating red-hot chili peppers, and chasing bewitching young maidens around the set...a frightening sight that leaves most viewers either in stitches or with PTSS.

once voted, "most likely male to be kept hidden from civilization," many people pass off his comedy as being born from sheer idiocy. tsk tsk...it's a little-known fact that egshira holds an ikkyu rank (1st level) in kendo, and can run the 100 meter-dash in eleven flat.

better yet, he even has his own action figure.
get'em while they're HOT!!!

MIDNIGHT MAURADERS

and now, for the truly bizarre.


being the late-night owl that i am, i was sitting at home in front of my computer, trying to figure out how to cut a drum 'n bass loop using recycle (technical jargon...i'm a closet geek)...
the boob-tube was on as usual, spitting out insane comedy shows and even more hysterical commercials...at thirty minutes past the witching hour it was UCHIMURA PRODUCE. not quite sure what the actual layout of the show is, but it involves a congregation of japanese ABBOTT and COSTELLO type comedians who try to accumulate points in a quiz game by giving the most smart-ass comments.

i almost ignored their rapid antics in favor of technotopia and drum 'n bass, when who should appear but...


tarantino. i guess that he was in japan promoting KILL BILL (or as it's said in the commercials over here, "KIRU BIRU") which premieres this friday in japan (i'm crossing off the days on my calendar!), but apparently, he was the guest of honor in this particular episode...dancing around and hamming it up for insomniacs like me.

gee...and i wonder how much cash the japanese producers paid him to be on the show...

TIGERS IN TROUBLE???



the fervor attributed to baseball in japan is one of epic proportions. to be honest, i was never much of a yakyuu fan before venturing across the pacific. although the fans watch every move that hideki matsui of the bronx bombers makes out in the states, their eyes remain firmly focused on the JAPAN WORLD SERIES.

after 18 years of futility, the HANSHIN TIGERS, baseball's ultimate laughingstock team, have managed to win the central league pennant. year in and year out, kansai fans would venture out to cavernous koshien stadium in order to cheer (or better yet, berate) the sorry state of these toothless felines.

but for once, the baseball gods to smile down upon these diehard supporters. the tigers, under new coach senichi hoshino, managed to get their act together and kick some serious oshiri this year. after stomping the opposition into the ground, the tigers prepared themselves for japan's ultimate showdown, the NIHON SERIES. their opponents? the mighty FUKUOKA DAIEI HAWKS from kyushu.

a lot more is at hand than bragging rights for all of japanese baseball. when the tigers last won the title in 1985, japan emerged from dire financial straits and experienced rich growth in economy. with the country trying to break free from its recent slump, all of japan waits with baited breath as to whether history will repeat itself again. for more information, click here.

alas, the tigers have managed to stumble coming out of the starting blocks to find themselves down 2 games to nothing. games 3, 4, and 5 shift back to koshien stadium, and i, along with 5 million other tigers fans, wait with baited breath to see if they can get their act together to save the nation.

BATTLE BY THE CASTLE

dj hype will have to wait for the next posting, thunderous as it was.


autumn is in the air, with the changing of the leaves, harvesting of rice, and the annual mikoshi battle of izushi. i spent 3 years out near the coastline bordering the sea of japan in a quaint castle town, population 11,000. only in the countryside does the local barber give you heads of napa cabbage and pickles to take home as a token of gratitude! but that's another story...

the town of izushi, complete with castle battlements, is rich with history dating back to the birth of japan. it has long been tradition to celebrate the bountiful rice harvest with a fall festival full of drink and merriment, as well as local townspeople bashing decorated floats into each other.

the town itself is divided up into different wards, and i was a resident of kawaramachi, one of the biggest. hence, kawaramachi has one of the largest mikoshi. it consists of a sacred shrine in the center, supported by four cedar tree trunks. the weight? imagine 100 people trying to carry a VW beetle on poles. there are about 8 mikoshi in the festival, each battling for supremacy and bragging rights of this quiet little town.

come october, i remember the only real topic of conversation in the town being about this tree trunk death match: the poles have to be a certain length, x amount of people have to be on both sides, and the opposing team's weak spot is so-and-so. to be truthful, building the float is an engineering feat in itself. each individual beam costs about $1000 and are fastened in place by heavy wiring and screws.

and so, the great day arrives, kawaramachi's crimson crew facing off against the black marauders of teramachi. the biggest mikoshi in town are indeed the main card, with onlookers cheering in crowds 10-deep.

a sounding of taiko drums, a mighty roar from the teams, and the battle commences...there is utter chaos as the mikoshi crash into each other. contestants clambor up, over, and on top of each other trying to pull apart the opposing float. after 10 minutes or so of gripping, prying, scratching, and biting, a draw is declared and the 2-ton mikoshi are hoisted high above the air. needless to say, my shoulders were painfully tender all day today.

just wait 'til next year!

NIGHTMARES ON WAX















damned if i can't upload personal pictures on this blogsite!!!
a round of apologies to the masses from this weblog newbie.

with deadlines to make and people to please, i spent most of my wageslaving day trying to put together a decent midterm examination for my kids. i suppose that the test gods decided that TODAY was their SH#T day, aka trying to make every machine in my workplace go haywire.

the friggin' laptop wouldn't read my files. the printer kept jamming for hours on end. the copy machine suddenly decided to quit on me. all of this chaos on top of trying to keep my classes entertaining.

whine whine whine...b#tch b#tch b#tch...

but like a cavalry of celestial beings suddenly announcing their arrival, K-Rate comes through with this piece of enlightening news: Pascal...DJ Hype...at the Bayside Jenny in Osaka come friday night.

MAS FUEGO 2003.10.18

bendejo productions presents...

**************************************
MAS FUEGO @ mirrorball cafe in motomachi, kobe
22:00 start 1500 yen (1D)
drum 'n bass & a whole lot more...
**************************************

DJ's: Bella Rockwell
Hiro☆Sh#t
Biostepperz
Zig-Nine
Keisuke (99, 00, 02 DMC FINALIST)

Special Guests:
DJ Akashi
Masashi Orita　(The CBB Soul Hour)
***************************************

brought to you by:
bendejo productions
PaRLaY records
DRAGON BASS
Leicester Square

WAXING POETIC








It's like biting on a bullet.
He smiles a Colgate smile
And looks at you expectantly.
The way he makes conversation about
Anything and everything,
Hmm...must have come from years of
Squirming,
Gripping,
Prying...
I can see the reflection in his glasses.
And even as all my character
Goes swishing down the drain
To a happier place (I hope),
The hurt stays behind only to be found again
Next time I see the dentist.

at least i don't have to go back for 6 months now...

FRIDAY NIGHT HANGOVER...
gee, midnight on a friday and somehow i've managed to avoid temptation and stay home. perhaps the killer migraine that has descended upon my poor head has something to do with it, although TYLENOL has gotten the job done. actually, it has more to do with events that took place last night.

october is all about SPORTS DAY in this land of the rising sun, a tribute to "feats of strength" contests from the good ol' days. students run around for hours on end, competing in sprinting contests, cheering contests, and tug-of-war to claim bragging rights for the rest of the year. with a high school that has soccer teams, basketball teams, and judo teams that are ranked nationally every year, the kids are battle-hardened athlete/cyborgs that eat iron for breakfast and could run 10 miles without breaking a sweat. all in all, it was a great day to spend in the sun, especially beacuse i had no work to do that day, heh.

but that's only the beginning!

in a country where people come up with the greatest excuses to go drinking (hey! the leaves are changing color! let's sit under the trees and drink 'til we hurl!), no sports day is complete without the UCHIAGE, or post-function celebration.

the time and place chosen, i zoomed home on my one-seat fighter jet (yamaha JOG), jumped in the shower to scrub off the grime, changed into attire fit for drinking (north face t-shirt and jeans), and hoofed it over to sannomiya. the time was 6 pm, the witching hour for salarymen and office ladies out to soak some suds, lounge ladies to catch a quick drink before reporting for duty, and college kids with yen notes to burn in their pockets.

"MUNCHEN," the sign read. the german-style beer hall seemed out of place next to the shinto torii-gate on ikuta road. when i reached the reserved room, the party was in full-swing already. teachers young and old were scooping up their mugs, muddled conversations everywhere. and the beer JUST KEPT COMING. never mind the fried chicken and tekka rolls (HEY! they're not german!), the lager was the main course. pale ones, dark ones, half-and-half...the beer gods had descended upon kobe.

two hours passed by with nary a flash, and my coworkers and i looked around to take in the scene. the room was a german fraulein's nightmare, a wasteland of beer mugs as far as the eye could see.

the night not just finished yet, we gathered up the survivors and crawled over to a karaoke box. what better way to top off an evening than a bit of singing and even MORE beer??? all-you-can-drink for two hours, for the cheap price of 20 bucks...

needless to say i woke up with a nasty hangover. i took half-a-day off and reported for duty in the afternoon, trying hopelessly to shake my head clear of the cobwebs and crumbs from the night before.