the greater hanshin area is conveniently separated by three parallel train services: JR (national), Hankyu, and Hanshin. the hankyu line is considered affordable yet high-class; the wine-colored train chassis, plush seating, and well-dressed passengers give it somewhat of an elitist air. the JR line is punctual (you can set your clock to the train schedule), cheap, and can zip you from kobe to osaka in under 20 minutes.
and then, we come to the ghetto service...HANSHIN trains are slow, have too many stops in between, and generally have scary-looking people riding them. because of where my job is located, i've been forced to ride japan's equivalent of the gotham subway every tuesday and thursday.
riding hanshin is like playing roulette: you never know who you'll end up with, or what disastrous events will unfold before your eyes. most of the time, i end up meeting expat buddies of mine who teach nearby, or former students on their way into kobe to have a night on the town.
and then, there was today. cramming onto the 7:45 evening commute back home, i noticed an obviously
drunk salaryman, slumped forward over a seat while standing up. passengers within ten feet of this hapless fellow (myself included) were suddenly overcome by a powerful stench that would make oscar the grouch run for cover. it was a deadly mix of alcohol and body odor...terrified high school girls pinched their noses and middle-aged housewives clicked their tongues and muttered their disapproval. i was trapped; an evening commuter train has few pockets of freedom to begin with, and i frantically began looking around for a way out.
at that exact moment, another pair of businessmen (obviously inebriated) came onboard, jabbering excitedly and looking for a place to sit. one of them spotted a seat right underneath the tottering drunk,
leaned his head back...
...and bashed their respective bald heads together. neither of them batted an eyelid. i immediately began scrambling for the next car, hoping to excape this smelly, grotesque, yet darkly humorous scene.
"saved!" i thought. the train was fast approaching sannomiya station, which meant that i could find salvation at the next stop. but NO. another fellow comes aboard, smelling of unwashed sweat. i wanted to shout out, "it isn't me!!!" why was this ominous odor folllowing me around???
finally...motomachi station. i disembarked as quickly as possible, ascending to ground-level and cleaner air.
kleenex with advertisements in them are regularly handed out to the general public around busy train stations. my goal is to distribute free RIGHT GUARD to fight this malodorous menace!!!
no, that isn't a reference to 
