THE LATE SHIFT


for two weeks straight now, i've been slaving away at both my "real" job, as well as projects on the side. it's given me hardly any time to touch my blog on a consistent basis.

when we last left our superhero-for-hire...

week one: work as usual, along with working the sound equipment for a friend's play. this meant that i had to wake up extra early on both saturday as well as sunday, something quite blasphemous for yours truly. with luck, the play began and concluded with hardly a hitch.

average amount of sleep per night for week one: 2 hours

week two: the end of the fiscal year in japan is fast approaching, which means that sh#t that was put aside until further notice needs to be cleaned up now.

after a visit from mr. OZY on friday night, i crawled into bed around 2 in the morning...only to wake up at 4 AM because i was to hit the slopes for some long-awaited 'boarding action! okay, so the snow was terrible (too warm...kinda like 'boarding on shaved ice), but i finally got to test out my new gear.



the trip to the slopes and back was really kickin' my ass, but i had to wake up early YET AGAIN on sunday morning, off to work while saner people stayed tucked in bed. thankfully, this madness will all end in a few weeks. at least spring break is just around the corner...

average amount of sleep per night for week two: 2.5 hours


*on a truly random note, i was at the train station this morning, luckily finding an empty seat in a semi-crowded morning commuter to osaka. now y'see, conductors in japan are quite courteous, reminding passengers to avoid running onto the train as it might cause bodily harm to oneself as well as others.
as he blew his whistle for departure, a 50-something-ish man comes hurtling down the steps, hair flying wildly around him as he tried to hurry aboard before the doors slammed shut.

well, he must have lost his balance, because he suddenly disappeared from view...followed by a rather loud THUNK. everyone in the car let out a collective "OOOOOOHHH!!!" kind of like when you see replays from "football's greatest hits" or something of that sort....

the conductor looked down at this poor guy, who sheepishly got up and scurried onboard, wheezing and panting.
his balding pate had an abnormally large red splotch from the point of impact.

now i know how bighorn sheep feel...

THRILLA IN SAITAMA






and who said football wasn't exciting?

although clearly a divine gift from above,
the boys in blue are sittin' pretty in first place.

RUFF, TUFF, and IN THE BUFF


with this weekend's super bowl shennanigans finally over and done with, i thought that folks back states-side would settle back into griping about bush's harebrained budget proposition, the increased suicide-bombing attacks in iraq, and on the chicken flu that is raging across asia.

thank the heavens for a little SKIN!!! the super bowl, that multi-million dollar festival beamed to boob-tubes (no pun intended) around the world, showed one mega-star in all of her
"tit"-illating glory, as well as a lesser-known one from our friends across the atlantic (what is up with brits and streaking???).


i managed to catch the game while i was at work. the game itself wasn't of importance (a thriller down to the very end, although i could care less about either new england or carolina); the half-time performance stole the show. back home, i'd always use that break to grab an extra lager or duck into the kitchen for some more munch. who wants to see ricky martin, gloria estefan, and billy joel anyway?
that is, only this time i was a bit surprised to see janet vamping onstage. it's no secret that she has really
changed her image over the years, but i would have never imagined her performing during half-time. of course, the appearance of justin "i wanna be the first pop star in space" timeberlake pretty much killed any waning enthusiasm i had left, and i was about to switch off the t.v. to return to my deskwork.

but at that very moment, justin leans over and rips off a piece of janet's suit, revealing boob and nipple for half of the world's population to ogle at.
SUUUUUUUUUURE it wasn't planned! i do recall the areola area being unnaturally pale, suggesting the usage of NIPPLESS, meaning that janet was prepared, or at least guarding against costume "malfunction." regardless, it looks like CBS, MTV, as well as the dynamic duo are in a deep pile of doo-doo.

the streaker, i've heard, is originally from the u.k. and has put in quite a few flashy appearances at sports events around the globe. this time, he came prepared. not only did he have a valid ticket to get in, he managed to sneak past unsuspecting security by wearing a referee's uniform. according to press reports, it was held together by velcro tape to allow swift disrobing and instant free-balling. guess that he didn't want to be one-upped by ms. jackson & co.

someone once told me that every human being has 15 minutes of fame. i'm fine with that, although it would have to take a whole lot of strong alcohol and heaps of cash to get nekkid on one of the world's biggest stages.

so...thanks, janet and streaker-man...a thousand thanks for giving me a blog entry!

B.O. BARRAGE


the greater hanshin area is conveniently separated by three parallel train services: JR (national), Hankyu, and Hanshin. the hankyu line is considered affordable yet high-class; the wine-colored train chassis, plush seating, and well-dressed passengers give it somewhat of an elitist air. the JR line is punctual (you can set your clock to the train schedule), cheap, and can zip you from kobe to osaka in under 20 minutes.

and then, we come to the ghetto service...HANSHIN trains are slow, have too many stops in between, and generally have scary-looking people riding them. because of where my job is located, i've been forced to ride japan's equivalent of the gotham subway every tuesday and thursday.



riding hanshin is like playing roulette: you never know who you'll end up with, or what disastrous events will unfold before your eyes. most of the time, i end up meeting expat buddies of mine who teach nearby, or former students on their way into kobe to have a night on the town.

and then, there was today. cramming onto the 7:45 evening commute back home, i noticed an obviously
drunk salaryman, slumped forward over a seat while standing up. passengers within ten feet of this hapless fellow (myself included) were suddenly overcome by a powerful stench that would make oscar the grouch run for cover. it was a deadly mix of alcohol and body odor...terrified high school girls pinched their noses and middle-aged housewives clicked their tongues and muttered their disapproval. i was trapped; an evening commuter train has few pockets of freedom to begin with, and i frantically began looking around for a way out.

at that exact moment, another pair of businessmen (obviously inebriated) came onboard, jabbering excitedly and looking for a place to sit. one of them spotted a seat right underneath the tottering drunk,
leaned his head back...


...and bashed their respective bald heads together. neither of them batted an eyelid. i immediately began scrambling for the next car, hoping to excape this smelly, grotesque, yet darkly humorous scene.

"saved!" i thought. the train was fast approaching sannomiya station, which meant that i could find salvation at the next stop. but NO. another fellow comes aboard, smelling of unwashed sweat. i wanted to shout out, "it isn't me!!!" why was this ominous odor folllowing me around???

finally...motomachi station. i disembarked as quickly as possible, ascending to ground-level and cleaner air.

kleenex with advertisements in them are regularly handed out to the general public around busy train stations. my goal is to distribute free RIGHT GUARD to fight this malodorous menace!!!

A MATTER OF FOOTBALL



sometimes i think that this country should have SUCKER printed across it's forehead. good ol' J. Koizumi has gone on a limb, cautiously sending out an expeditionary force to the middle east. not only does he face houndings daily from the diet floor that it's against the constitution, i doubt that south korea, china, and the jong-er himself will stay quiet for long...


lucky for those self-defense force band of merry men, they get to camp out with...OOOOOOH!!! the fun-loving dutch army.





makes some sense to me, though...
japan's got a bunch of players in the top flight of netherlands' football teams, and with the world cup coming along in 2006, both countries will probably trade soccer strategy along with the occasionally dodging of truck-bombs.

red cards all around!

well, it's been something that's been gnawing at the states for the last decade or so. the U.S. sinks quite a bit of cash into policing the world, and would probably love nothing more than to have this country field its own military force. japan's been trying to shed that "bank of the world" image it was stuck with during Gulf War I.

world cup in two years. germany, i'll be there!!!

BONE-CHILLY



ah, curse ye who bask in the warmth of the pacific!
january 21st is officially known in japan as DAIKAN, or BIG CHILL. according to tradition, it's supposedly the coldest day of the year, and for once i'm not doubting the meteorologists.

i awoke this morning to find my socks frozen stiff. it took a while for the water in the faucet to start running. my bike refuses to start...and i'm perpetually cold.

there was a time when i was living up in the wilderness that is known as TAJIMA, that i left a couple of oranges on my living room table. instant projectiles!!! rock-hard to the center and capable of inflicting heavy damage...not that i would.

too bad the snow doesn't pile up in the cities...i'll bet that snowmen would be having a field day.

FOOD FEAR

no, that isn't a reference to DJ Food, but the realization that nuttin' edible is safe anymore...

midway through my lunch of fried chicken and miso soup, i paused and thought about the risk factor involved in my actions. could this seemingly harmless-looking bit o' chicken wing be spelling my utter and impending doom? a gastrointestinal disaster?? loss of bodily functions as we all know it???

with the recent bovine scare back states-side, japan has decided to take drastic measures. not only has yoshinoya begun selling yakitori chicken bowls and broiled salmon bowls to compensate for their hard-hit beef imports, McDonald's has decided to start handing out "buy one, get one free coupons" in order to entice its clientele (haven't had a Big Mac in months...never mind the fact that McDonald's beef in japan is imported from australia).





even worse, the avian flu has been wiping a path of destruction across some of japan's major chicken farms...the same variety that forced korea's health officials to destroy some 30,000 helpless hens.

so...no more beef shabu shabu...no more chicken kara-age...not even tonkatsu! the chicken version of the avian flu virus supposedly has joined forceswith its human avian flu counterpart to create one found only in pigs.







kind of like an evil version of the wondertwins.

useless superheroes...why'd they have to be so touchy-feely?

and what's with GLEEK???

NEW YEAR MALAISE


man, this flu bug seems to be wreaking havoc worldwide. riding high on the pacific jetstream, i have no doubts that the shaolin super-virus made its way to my innards.

thankfully, it wasn't the bowel-bending type...more like a head-congesting, cough-inducing one. i was able to crawl away from the clutches of my bed to engage in a nabe extravaganza this weekend. the kimchee spices and glasses of shochu proceeded to beat the sh#t out of the foreign bodies in my immune system, leaving my head foggy but ready for more action.


saturday brought the arrival of dazza the aussie MC to kobe, along with the return of PaRLaY records' don corleone k-rate from tokyo, plus much-welcomed appearances by hiroshi and others. this spelled double trouble: a heavy night of drinking followed by an outing into osaka, japan's gotham city.






it was good seeing everyone after the holidays. our gang met up with a very inebriated DJ OZY at a drum 'n' bass event, and more drinks were imbibed.

needless to say, alcohol, that wonderful invention, managed to blunt my senses enough to have a "productive" three-day weekend.

off to work tomorrow...hope i can wake up on time!

A NEW PROJECT

japanese site is up!!!

YEAR OF THE MONKEY




wishing you a very
HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR...

to get a better understanding of
japan's 47 prefectures,
here's this year's first lesson: click here.

JINGLE ALL THE WAY




oh what a laugh it would have been
if daddy had only seen
mommy kissing santa claus last night


yikes. pretty scary stuff, if you ask me.
i guess that dysfunctional families really do mess you up.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!!!

AFTERMATH...



thank heavens, another MAS FUEGO is safely (?) in the books. of course, there was much personal drama as usual...cops, out-of-control birthday well-wishers, and an alcoholic wasteland that stretched as far as the eye could see.

needless to say, i spent a great portion of sunday in bed and tucked away from the rest of the world...nursing a hangover that would make dudley moore proud.

ho ho ho, everyone!!! have a merry christmas...

MAS FUEGO BIRTHDAY BASHMENT



as christmas creeps ever closer and a bleak wintry gale screams down from the rokko mountains, it's time to look back on another year of insanity.

nothing better than to end this year's MAS FUEGO on one dj k-rate's birthday. i'm sure it'll be one for the ages, with plenty of liquid refreshment to go around.

if any of y'all are on this side of the globe, be sure to duck down into the mirrorball cafe...we'll leave the light on for ya.



bendejo productions presents...

**************************************
MAS FUEGO @ mirrorball cafe in motomachi, kobe
2003.12.20 (sat.)
21:00 start 1500 yen (1D)
drum 'n' bass and everything nice...
**************************************

DJ's:
Bella Rockwell
Hiro☆Sh#t
Biostepperz
Zig-Nine
Keisuke (99, 00, 02 DMC FINALIST)

Special Guests:
DJ Akashi
DJ Okame

***************************************

brought to you by:
bendejo productions
PaRLaY records
DRAGON BASS
Leicester Square

SALVATION


just when things were looking mighty bleak, a hint given to me by one dj lil' c, aka hiroshi, managed to save my computer from the depths of darkness.

apparently, 300 watts of juice just wasn't cutting it...i hoofed on down to harborland and purchased a bigger power source. opening up and exposing the innards of the computer case, i was at once baffled by the mass of circuitry, the tangle of cables, and hardware everywhere.

now i know how han solo felt when the hypperdrive went kaput on him (chewie, hand me the hydrospanner!!!).



undaunted, i ripped out the cursed and evil 300 watt juicebox and plugged in the newer, stronger 400 watt one.
which wire goes where??? i wondered out loud. with a deep breath, i turned on the power, and...

all is well.
and the rantings of this mad expat continue!!!

damn gremlins...my computer's been on the fritz for the past few days, leaving me blog-less and feeling quite nekkid.

this'll have to do for the meanwhile.

a thousand humble apologies.

currently playing on the turntables:
the debut album from diverse --> one a.m.

"i know for certain...everything ain't right"
okay, so it's not the witching hour just yet, but i realized through the haze of spliff and sip of shochu that i needed to make an entry.

diverse, by the way, has put together quite an impressive first album. breakbeats/headz galore, to keep the neck exercised and soul grooving. with the likes of rjd2, madlib, and prefuse-73, it's something that i'd recommend to my neighbor!




funny thing is, i've grown pretty attached to this downtempo vibe. i should just be a man and walk up to the firing squad: i'm getting old. back in the day, i was convinced that my folks used to listen to only simon and garfunkel, the carpenters, and abba; talk about reallydowntempo! not to post a jibe...nuff respect to all! (guess that answers your question, shaolin...that's all i could find in the house when i was a kid).

i used to be able to pull all-nighters without a problem, but after a night out in osaka, at "isn't it," no doubt!

"isn't it." a last haven for expat brethren and sisters residing on this island chain.

isn't "scum and villainy" is how obi-wan put it best?

the smell of sex was in the air, 'though i was having none of that!

and as i stumbled off to find a capsule in "american town," one thought kept reverberating in my brain...

how am i going to fight off that hangover that 's going to hit me on the train ride home???

NOT-SO-FAMOUS BRITISH FOOD PRODUCTS, part 1


move over, marmite and vegemite!!!

i've got a product that will beat the competition into the ground...

i discovered the miracle of vegemite years ago when a junior high school friend of mine handed me a slice of toast with unappetizing black goo smeared all over it. after hiding my fears and taking a nibble, i was at once amazed at the richness in flavor that plain ol' butter and jam had long lacked. of course, vegemite and marmite without a "chaser" (i.e. bread) is rather horrid-tasting, but a pat of the black stuff on some good ol' fashioned toasted white bread will do wonders to your breakfast routine.

okay, so some people think that concentrated yeast spread is disgusting and unpalatable, and to tell you the truth, i always thought that it lacked a certain punch. don't get me wrong, i love marmite and vegemite just as much as the next guy (i.e. shaolin), but as an omnivore, i often get the craving for that beefy taste.





which is where BOVRIL comes in handy. created in scotland, home to such treats as haggis, tartan garb, and bagpipes, BOVRIL is, in essence, liquid cow.

imagine this: the tanginess of vegemite with not-so-subtle hints of beef.

appalled, yet curiously drawn to this confusing concoction?





BOVRIL apparently has been around since 1874, and was hailed for its many uses. a spoonful of it in hot water supposedly makes "(a) savory hot drink, and the kind of thing likely to be in the thermos of anyone out on a cold day for any length of time. Shackleton had it on his epic voyage in 1914, and it's been a favorite at football matches, in the days when drinking at football matches was as common as a half-time pie and Bovril." (i haven't had the guts to try this yet, but i imagine it tastes something like plain beef broth)

it was also used during World Wars I and II as a means of providing troops on the warfront and citizens back home with much-needed nourishment and a bit of beefiness...perhaps it was a means of boosting morale?

according to dj k-rate (born in tokyo and raised in london), he grew up on the stuff, and was kind enough to bring back a jar for me. it tastes pretty grubbin' on a spoon just by itself, and is all the more divine with a bit of butter on a baguette.

although it is difficult to find in the states, i'm sure most of you can manage. and yes, some purport that BOVRIL and its distant cousins vegemite and marmite are vile-tasting, but damn!!! it's sure gotten me hooked...

A DEVIL AMONGST US

secretary of defense donald rumsfeld is in town starting tomorrow, off to hobnob with leaders of the japanese diet with elections in this country just having finished four days ago. while the opposition in iraq keeps the world's eyes trained on hot spots in the middle east, rumsfeld has moved in an aircraft carrier off the japanese coast, along with new-generation military hardware, no doubt to piss off an already irate chairman kim.


speaking of iraq, one of the bills up on the diet table is the issue of whether to send JSDF troops over to the middle east to take part in occupational force operations. though the general public is against it, koizumi seems fairly intent on deployment...is the relation between dubya and the prime minister really THAT intimate?


the question now is how many troops, and to what degree of strength?

news sources report that there has been much internal strife within the bush cabinet, with rumsfeld and rice butting heads on a regular basis. to my amusement, dubya seemingly encourages these petty arguments as a way of fostering growth and the formation of new ideas.





i can imagine it already...

nat'l sec. advisor rice: HEY! that's MY krispy kreme donut!

sec. of defense rumsfeld: back off, woman! i need more sugar to satiate my hunger to conquer the world!

the redeye shift





and now, for zignine's turntable tip of the day:

easy listening and hip hop, although grating and unpleasurable to the ear, CAN be mixed together.

KILLER VEGGIES




i decided to make cheese fondue for dinner tonight, and hoofed it over to kobe foreign grocers in sannomiya to buy the necessary ingredients. although the store itself is quite small, it's nice to browse the aisles, looking at enticing edibles from around the world.

after getting sidetracked by the betty crocker brownie and hormel spicy chili section (hmm...$4.00 for cheesy-ass betty and $6.00 for a can of CHILI!? methinks this establishment is making a kiling), i found the fondue formula and paid the charlatan behind the counter.





"let's see..." i muttered to my girl. "bread, potatoes, broccoli, carrots, what else do i need?" she pointed out that asparagus was a recommended veggie on the package.

now, don't get me wrong. asparagus, i.e. asparagus officinalis are not only grubbin' as a dish in itself, it is known for its ability to work as: an Aphrodisiac, Cardiotonic, Demulcent, Diaphoretic, Diuretic, Expectorant, Female Tonic, Galactagogue, Laxative, Nutritive, Rejuvenative, Reproductive Tonic, Kidney Tonic, as well as Sedative.





it can also be used topically (what're you supposed to do? grind up the stems and rub the juice all over yourself?) to cure Joint Stiffness and Muscle Spasms...

not my idea of fun, but back to the topic at hand. after searching high and low, i realized that the local supermarket didn't have your garden-variety, green baby asparagi (is it a summer vegetable?). not to be daunted, i marched over to the canned foods section and found white asparagus instead.

the fondue was excellent. the white asparagi, however, remained untouched throughout the entire meal. it tasted revolting, plus i'm sure it'll make my urinations smell like asparagus for the rest of the week...

at least i'll know that my innards are squeaky clean now!