GUTTER-BALL


of all the sports in the world, bowling is definitely not my forte. milling about on a saturday afternoon without a whole lot to do, i casually asked my girlfriend if she was up for a friendly round or two down at the local bowling alley.

now, the rules and layout for bowling are the same out here in japan, but what's missing is the grime, grease, stench, and 70's cheese that has so much become a part of ten-pin americana.

instead, you have un-sticky floors, computerized scoreboards complete with video playback, pristine bowling balls lined up neatly with hardly a scratch..."where's the dirt? the sleaze?? the protruding bellies???" i wondered.

undaunted, i was able secure an open lane, and the game was begun. first game to yours truly: 129-81. stupid me, i should've kept my trap shut...sensing another crushing victory in round two, i offered my girlfriend a 50-point handicap.






the result? i managed to finish the second game with a miserable sub-100 score, and lost the third and deciding round outright...the handicap didn't even matter anymore.
i assure you that it'll probably be a little while before i pick up another bowling ball.

in the meanwhile, i'll try to get some practice in through this little gadget...

THE THRILL OF VICTORY and THE AGONY OF DEFEAT


stupid ref...that's not a FOUL!!! 

a picture paints a thousand words...
my good friend K-RATE informed me that EURO 2004 kicks on in portugal this week.

another reason to stock up on beer and indulge in the moment...
what's the time difference, anyways???

BLASPHEMOUS WEATHER




A flash of lightning!
The sound of drops
Falling among the bamboos.

-Buson


HAH!!! buson may have been gifted with words, but there ain't nuttin' pretty about the monsoon season in japan. known in more poetic terms as "tsuyu," or "plum blossom rain," it feels like you're standing inside one of those big chinese bamboo steamers...

and i have to put up with this nasty weather for a whole MONTH??? i guess i can start experimenting with the shaggy, wet look

A GRAND DAY OUT


koshien...lovely 

it fits 54,000 fans, and the hanshin tigers have sold out pretty much EVERY GAME this season at koshien stadium. lucky for me, bella rockwell was able to procure some much-valued tickets to yesterday's festivities.

several hours and twice as many beers later, the tigers were spanked 4-0.
not to worry. they bounced back today with a 12-5 trouncing.

and even better: i get to do this all over again next thursday!!!


our faithful crew 

ZOMBIE TV



it's finally happened. yours truly has succumbed to the cable gods and installed 50-some channels of absolute chaos.

yes, i know that the boob-tube is pure evil, but you can't beat watching the cartoon network dubbed in japanese.

DELINQUENTS


it all started rather innocently, with a famous japanese actress appearing in a commercial where she urges the public to pay for public pension premiums. after appearing on billboards and on television for a few weeks, word got out that the spokeswoman herself had been skipping payments for quite a time.

the media scoffed at the ad, put out by the leading opposition party in japan, and public crusaders from all sides in the government vowed to get to the bottom of this pension problem by launching full-scale investigations.




the witchhunt that ensued has so far claimed the poltical careers of the chief cabinet speaker as well as the leader of the opposition party; both are quite visible in the japanese media.

for more information, visit here and here.

idiot lawmakers are the same in whatever country you may live...
albeit grudgingly, at least i pay my goddamn taxes!!!

WHIRLWIND TOUR


the beginning of may in japan is known as GOLDEN WEEK, when three national holidays appear consecutively on the calendar. it's at this time that people seem to go berserk, packing their bags and heading off to vacation spots both overseas and domestic.

seizing the opportunity, i had the rare chance to catch the esteemed bullet train not once, not twice, but four times between kobe, fukuoka (southern japan), and nagoya.







fukuoka city is full of great places to visit both natural and man-made, terrific food, powerful drink, and down-to-earth people.
all through the city, there are food-stalls called yatai which are run by the locals. it's great being packed next to other out-of-towners and neighborhood regulars, and the cuisine and liquor is excellent.
needless to say, i got blitzed off of the local brew and have moved one step closer to being a fat bastard by consuming too many deep-fried chicken wings, beef stew, and home-made ramen.
all of this was courtesy of mami-chan's yatai, smack in the middle of the city.




and now, i'm in a deep-fried southern funk because golden week is a thing of the past...
i owe, i owe, it's off to work i go...

FOOD FIGHT




DAMN!!! i just realized that it's been about a month since i've written an entry.


well, it's official now. yours truly is now an astonishing 30 years old.
the good ol' twenty-something decade is now a thing of the past. bring on the mid-life crisis, cuz there's a new sheriff in town!

so here, in no particular order, are
THINGS THAT ZIG-NINE WISHES TO ACCOMPLISH THIS YEAR.






10. go to more hanshin tigers games.
although the pinstriped boys of kansai haven't jumped out of the gates like last year, ticket sales have been brisk and most of the games this season are already sold out. luckily, i have friends in high places which will (hopefully) provide me with a chance to cheer'em on at the cavernous koshien stadium.



9. keep on spinnin'!!!
it's been over a year now since i started MAS FUEGO, a regular DJ event in kobe which specializes in drum'n'bass. although this music genre has yet to be fully accepted by the fickle japanese public, my hope is to keep it going this year.




8. take better care of myself.
'nuff said. i've go to cut back on the beers, watch my caloric intake, and trim down. i don' know about this whole atkins diet thing that seems to have taken the states by storm, but i've been trying to eat more greens and consume less lager.

7. play more basketball.
my workload has tripled since last year, but it's about time for me to lace up those sneakers and try to run down the court with the kids that i teach...of course, this is something that keeps getting harder to do each year. try chasing down 16, 17, and 18 year-olds that are bigger, stronger, and faster than you!!!

6. play more football.
no, not the american sort, but the worldly sport. i had a chance several weeks ago to partake in the all-japan JET soccer tournament, where yours truly was able to guard the net on awaji island's hallowed grounds...the pitch where mighty team ENGLAND practiced leading up to world cup 2002.

5. clean my room.
as i type in this entry, i've taken a look at my pad and realized that i simply have too much stuff.
you know what they say about asians not being able to throw away anything, right? it's true. half of the stuff that i own is junk that i've been too lazy to toss out.

4. get a song published.
i spend most of my free time putting together beats on my computer, and am currently in the process of composing a tune for a compilation album my friend is going to release on his HERMIT FLOW label.

3. go home for a well-deserved vacation.
i had my share of visitors out on this side of the globe this year, and it reminded me of all the good things i've been missing out on states-side. with a friend of mine getting married in mid-august, i think a trip back to the bay area is just about due.



2. give up smoking once and for all.
yeah, i hear those guffaws from the peanut gallery! i've spent half of my life hooked on nicotine, which is not a pretty thought. my younger brother was able to quit cold turkey this year; there's no reason why i shouldn't be able to do the same.

1. move into a bigger apartment!
(see #5) too many records, too much junk, not enough space. this is something i've wanted to do since last year. if anyone knows of a cheap place to live in kobe with lots of space and soundproof walls, i'm all ears!!!

EXERCISE IN FUTILITY

just received this from a friend back home...
sounds like the race for the presidency is in full swing.




Here's a few dozen reasons to vote for the G.

George W. Bush
The White House, USA

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

LAW ENFORCEMENT:

I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol.
I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days.
My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

MILITARY:

I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL.
I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use.
By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

COLLEGE:

I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.
I was a cheerleader.


PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.


I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas in 1975.
I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas.
The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took and using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay),
I was elected governor of Texas.



ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history.

My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a U.S. President.
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.


My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay,
presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success
with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.
More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair
than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption
involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history
of the United States government.
I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S.
from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees
and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors
(during the 2002 U.S. election).
I set the record for fewest number of press conferences of any President
since the advent of television.
I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period.

After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later
made the U.S. the most hated country n the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public
venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, preemptive attack and the military
occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.
citizens, and the world community.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops
and their families -- in war time.
In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq,
then blamed the lies on our British friends.
I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest
threat to world peace and security.
I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library,
sealed and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy
policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.


PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.
PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.
Get out and vote and get everyone you know to get out
and vote!

SPRING TRAINING



howdy.
it's been awhile...now that i am officially on "spring sabbatical" mode, it gives me time to concentrate on more important matters at hand, such as becoming a fat bastard through enjoying good eats and even better liquid refreshment.

did you know that the spring equinox was this past saturday? it also heralded the visit of my compadre J.C. to this side of the woods. J.C. (not the one above) was a member of the via zapata apartment complex back in my college heyday. a golfing buddy, smoking partna, and couch tv commentator, it was good seeing a friend from stateside coming out.

so here's a list of definite things to do during your stay in kansai, from yours truly:
(in reverse order of what actually happened this spring solstice weekend)

brazilian barbeque
watch dave chappelle (damn. i need to get CABLE in japan!)
take long-ass train rides

takoyaki
go to a game (hanshin tigers vs. osaka buffaloes...complete with pitch-by-pitch commentary and explanation of japanese baseball terminology)
visit a castle
capsule hotels (like a scene out of aliens...it really IS a hibernation chamber)
go on the hunt in osaka (countless back-alleys full of scum and villainy)
consume MAD alcohol and eat lots of kobe beef
watch even more dave chappelle
okonomiyaki

good thing i made this list. my brother will be coming out for a visit.


time for another plug!!!

bendejo productions presents
★★★★★MAS FUEGO★★★★★
drum'n'bass & everything nice

2004.04.17 (sat.) 22:00 start
ADV. 1500 yen (1D + MAS FUEGO CD Ver. 1)
DOOR 2000 yen (1D)

GUEST DJ's

strong>★T-AK (Hexion London)

★DJ KILLA (KOOL EYEZ, MIX☆MARKET, BAMBAATA

★DJ NAO (KOOL EYEZ, MIX☆MARKET)

★OZY & KFTG (HERMIT FLOW)

REGULAR DJ's
★BELLA ROCKWELL
★ZIG-NINE
★BIOSTEPPERZ
★KEISUKE (2002 DMC JAPAN FINALIST)

★MC TEACHA

★Club Space & Live House AMZ　
Tel: 078-241-3376 Fax: 078-222-6890

THE LATE SHIFT, version 1.5

currently on TV: a cat with a BIG afro dancing madly to motown.

VIRAL INFECTION

one thing about having high-tech friends is that they can always give you music software (among a sundry other things) for free...the only problem is, you don't know what you'll get along with the entire package.

once again, the gremlins of the cyberspace underworld managed to wreak havoc on my desktop.
being the overpaid and underworked at my day job, i've spent the last week or so evolving into a DVD rental freak, spending pocket change on episodes of STAND ALONE COMPLEX, the tv series following GHOST IN THE SHELL.

10 POINTS to whomever knows the origin of the quote!!!

THE LATE SHIFT


for two weeks straight now, i've been slaving away at both my "real" job, as well as projects on the side. it's given me hardly any time to touch my blog on a consistent basis.

when we last left our superhero-for-hire...

week one: work as usual, along with working the sound equipment for a friend's play. this meant that i had to wake up extra early on both saturday as well as sunday, something quite blasphemous for yours truly. with luck, the play began and concluded with hardly a hitch.

average amount of sleep per night for week one: 2 hours

week two: the end of the fiscal year in japan is fast approaching, which means that sh#t that was put aside until further notice needs to be cleaned up now.

after a visit from mr. OZY on friday night, i crawled into bed around 2 in the morning...only to wake up at 4 AM because i was to hit the slopes for some long-awaited 'boarding action! okay, so the snow was terrible (too warm...kinda like 'boarding on shaved ice), but i finally got to test out my new gear.



the trip to the slopes and back was really kickin' my ass, but i had to wake up early YET AGAIN on sunday morning, off to work while saner people stayed tucked in bed. thankfully, this madness will all end in a few weeks. at least spring break is just around the corner...

average amount of sleep per night for week two: 2.5 hours


*on a truly random note, i was at the train station this morning, luckily finding an empty seat in a semi-crowded morning commuter to osaka. now y'see, conductors in japan are quite courteous, reminding passengers to avoid running onto the train as it might cause bodily harm to oneself as well as others.
as he blew his whistle for departure, a 50-something-ish man comes hurtling down the steps, hair flying wildly around him as he tried to hurry aboard before the doors slammed shut.

well, he must have lost his balance, because he suddenly disappeared from view...followed by a rather loud THUNK. everyone in the car let out a collective "OOOOOOHHH!!!" kind of like when you see replays from "football's greatest hits" or something of that sort....

the conductor looked down at this poor guy, who sheepishly got up and scurried onboard, wheezing and panting.
his balding pate had an abnormally large red splotch from the point of impact.

now i know how bighorn sheep feel...

THRILLA IN SAITAMA






and who said football wasn't exciting?

although clearly a divine gift from above,
the boys in blue are sittin' pretty in first place.

RUFF, TUFF, and IN THE BUFF


with this weekend's super bowl shennanigans finally over and done with, i thought that folks back states-side would settle back into griping about bush's harebrained budget proposition, the increased suicide-bombing attacks in iraq, and on the chicken flu that is raging across asia.

thank the heavens for a little SKIN!!! the super bowl, that multi-million dollar festival beamed to boob-tubes (no pun intended) around the world, showed one mega-star in all of her
"tit"-illating glory, as well as a lesser-known one from our friends across the atlantic (what is up with brits and streaking???).


i managed to catch the game while i was at work. the game itself wasn't of importance (a thriller down to the very end, although i could care less about either new england or carolina); the half-time performance stole the show. back home, i'd always use that break to grab an extra lager or duck into the kitchen for some more munch. who wants to see ricky martin, gloria estefan, and billy joel anyway?
that is, only this time i was a bit surprised to see janet vamping onstage. it's no secret that she has really
changed her image over the years, but i would have never imagined her performing during half-time. of course, the appearance of justin "i wanna be the first pop star in space" timeberlake pretty much killed any waning enthusiasm i had left, and i was about to switch off the t.v. to return to my deskwork.

but at that very moment, justin leans over and rips off a piece of janet's suit, revealing boob and nipple for half of the world's population to ogle at.
SUUUUUUUUUURE it wasn't planned! i do recall the areola area being unnaturally pale, suggesting the usage of NIPPLESS, meaning that janet was prepared, or at least guarding against costume "malfunction." regardless, it looks like CBS, MTV, as well as the dynamic duo are in a deep pile of doo-doo.

the streaker, i've heard, is originally from the u.k. and has put in quite a few flashy appearances at sports events around the globe. this time, he came prepared. not only did he have a valid ticket to get in, he managed to sneak past unsuspecting security by wearing a referee's uniform. according to press reports, it was held together by velcro tape to allow swift disrobing and instant free-balling. guess that he didn't want to be one-upped by ms. jackson & co.

someone once told me that every human being has 15 minutes of fame. i'm fine with that, although it would have to take a whole lot of strong alcohol and heaps of cash to get nekkid on one of the world's biggest stages.

so...thanks, janet and streaker-man...a thousand thanks for giving me a blog entry!

B.O. BARRAGE


the greater hanshin area is conveniently separated by three parallel train services: JR (national), Hankyu, and Hanshin. the hankyu line is considered affordable yet high-class; the wine-colored train chassis, plush seating, and well-dressed passengers give it somewhat of an elitist air. the JR line is punctual (you can set your clock to the train schedule), cheap, and can zip you from kobe to osaka in under 20 minutes.

and then, we come to the ghetto service...HANSHIN trains are slow, have too many stops in between, and generally have scary-looking people riding them. because of where my job is located, i've been forced to ride japan's equivalent of the gotham subway every tuesday and thursday.



riding hanshin is like playing roulette: you never know who you'll end up with, or what disastrous events will unfold before your eyes. most of the time, i end up meeting expat buddies of mine who teach nearby, or former students on their way into kobe to have a night on the town.

and then, there was today. cramming onto the 7:45 evening commute back home, i noticed an obviously
drunk salaryman, slumped forward over a seat while standing up. passengers within ten feet of this hapless fellow (myself included) were suddenly overcome by a powerful stench that would make oscar the grouch run for cover. it was a deadly mix of alcohol and body odor...terrified high school girls pinched their noses and middle-aged housewives clicked their tongues and muttered their disapproval. i was trapped; an evening commuter train has few pockets of freedom to begin with, and i frantically began looking around for a way out.

at that exact moment, another pair of businessmen (obviously inebriated) came onboard, jabbering excitedly and looking for a place to sit. one of them spotted a seat right underneath the tottering drunk,
leaned his head back...


...and bashed their respective bald heads together. neither of them batted an eyelid. i immediately began scrambling for the next car, hoping to excape this smelly, grotesque, yet darkly humorous scene.

"saved!" i thought. the train was fast approaching sannomiya station, which meant that i could find salvation at the next stop. but NO. another fellow comes aboard, smelling of unwashed sweat. i wanted to shout out, "it isn't me!!!" why was this ominous odor folllowing me around???

finally...motomachi station. i disembarked as quickly as possible, ascending to ground-level and cleaner air.

kleenex with advertisements in them are regularly handed out to the general public around busy train stations. my goal is to distribute free RIGHT GUARD to fight this malodorous menace!!!

A MATTER OF FOOTBALL



sometimes i think that this country should have SUCKER printed across it's forehead. good ol' J. Koizumi has gone on a limb, cautiously sending out an expeditionary force to the middle east. not only does he face houndings daily from the diet floor that it's against the constitution, i doubt that south korea, china, and the jong-er himself will stay quiet for long...


lucky for those self-defense force band of merry men, they get to camp out with...OOOOOOH!!! the fun-loving dutch army.





makes some sense to me, though...
japan's got a bunch of players in the top flight of netherlands' football teams, and with the world cup coming along in 2006, both countries will probably trade soccer strategy along with the occasionally dodging of truck-bombs.

red cards all around!

well, it's been something that's been gnawing at the states for the last decade or so. the U.S. sinks quite a bit of cash into policing the world, and would probably love nothing more than to have this country field its own military force. japan's been trying to shed that "bank of the world" image it was stuck with during Gulf War I.

world cup in two years. germany, i'll be there!!!

BONE-CHILLY



ah, curse ye who bask in the warmth of the pacific!
january 21st is officially known in japan as DAIKAN, or BIG CHILL. according to tradition, it's supposedly the coldest day of the year, and for once i'm not doubting the meteorologists.

i awoke this morning to find my socks frozen stiff. it took a while for the water in the faucet to start running. my bike refuses to start...and i'm perpetually cold.

there was a time when i was living up in the wilderness that is known as TAJIMA, that i left a couple of oranges on my living room table. instant projectiles!!! rock-hard to the center and capable of inflicting heavy damage...not that i would.

too bad the snow doesn't pile up in the cities...i'll bet that snowmen would be having a field day.

FOOD FEAR

no, that isn't a reference to DJ Food, but the realization that nuttin' edible is safe anymore...

midway through my lunch of fried chicken and miso soup, i paused and thought about the risk factor involved in my actions. could this seemingly harmless-looking bit o' chicken wing be spelling my utter and impending doom? a gastrointestinal disaster?? loss of bodily functions as we all know it???

with the recent bovine scare back states-side, japan has decided to take drastic measures. not only has yoshinoya begun selling yakitori chicken bowls and broiled salmon bowls to compensate for their hard-hit beef imports, McDonald's has decided to start handing out "buy one, get one free coupons" in order to entice its clientele (haven't had a Big Mac in months...never mind the fact that McDonald's beef in japan is imported from australia).





even worse, the avian flu has been wiping a path of destruction across some of japan's major chicken farms...the same variety that forced korea's health officials to destroy some 30,000 helpless hens.

so...no more beef shabu shabu...no more chicken kara-age...not even tonkatsu! the chicken version of the avian flu virus supposedly has joined forceswith its human avian flu counterpart to create one found only in pigs.







kind of like an evil version of the wondertwins.

useless superheroes...why'd they have to be so touchy-feely?

and what's with GLEEK???

NEW YEAR MALAISE


man, this flu bug seems to be wreaking havoc worldwide. riding high on the pacific jetstream, i have no doubts that the shaolin super-virus made its way to my innards.

thankfully, it wasn't the bowel-bending type...more like a head-congesting, cough-inducing one. i was able to crawl away from the clutches of my bed to engage in a nabe extravaganza this weekend. the kimchee spices and glasses of shochu proceeded to beat the sh#t out of the foreign bodies in my immune system, leaving my head foggy but ready for more action.


saturday brought the arrival of dazza the aussie MC to kobe, along with the return of PaRLaY records' don corleone k-rate from tokyo, plus much-welcomed appearances by hiroshi and others. this spelled double trouble: a heavy night of drinking followed by an outing into osaka, japan's gotham city.






it was good seeing everyone after the holidays. our gang met up with a very inebriated DJ OZY at a drum 'n' bass event, and more drinks were imbibed.

needless to say, alcohol, that wonderful invention, managed to blunt my senses enough to have a "productive" three-day weekend.

off to work tomorrow...hope i can wake up on time!